I keep thinking and lying to myself...yeah it's ok...i will be fine..i can't believe im lying to myself all this time!!It's like a roller coaster(if that is how you spell it) that never ends...

I will just scream in silent...scream to my hearts content,i keep telling myself...ok...i can do it...but there is a part of me holding me back...I hide most of my feelings in me because...i know if i let it out...it will not turn nice nor will it turn out the way i wanted it too.....It never did....ever!

Have you ever felt your heart so heavy?
Or your mind always wandering off?
Ever always cried in silent till there was no more tears but still felt upset?
Ever had so many people telling you what to do that was against your will?
Ever lived to see yourself die with heartaches?

Oh well...now...it's just another case of forgetting things that i don't want to remember..

ARGH!!

Oh my...i feel so bad...

I was chatting with a lesbian friend of mine..and then she kind of ask me...how long have i been attached...and i lied to her...i said....2 years..or was it 3..cant remember la...well....i mean...she wants to find a gf...and i was afraid that she would like me...so i hope that...by saying im attached for 2 years or 3...her hopes are gone for me....i did say...i will help her find a gf...aiyo....i feel so guilty lying...i should have just told her im not interested in her...which would be telling the truth..but hurting her feelings...so i guess...telling her that white lie is ok la...thank goodness....only Lynda knows who i have the tingle for....and i hope she doesn't tell anyone...or else...............